My approach in my practice is based on a potentiality model of human behavior and its aims are to offer the possibility for individuals to come to a deeper sense of themselves and from that interior stronghold create more mature relationships with self and others.
I see this journey as being co-creational in that it utilises the creativity of both the psychotherapist and the client.
There is some appreciation within psychotherapy that the therapist and the client are both individuals and that the therapeutic relationship is a unique co-creation, determined not only by the individuality of each but also by the unique story that each brings to the relationship.
Relationships occur in the context of different holding worlds, the key holding worlds being the womb in the first instance and, later on, the family, school, the community, the workplace, wider society and, ultimately, the self. Understanding the nature of the self is the foundation of the maturity that is essential to the well being of human beings -and the success of their relationships with others.
My orientation is primarily non-directive –in that it relies on the relationship between the psychotherapist and the client to bring about the desired security and safety in which the client can understand consciously what he already unconsciously knows. When the person makes the connection between how he relates to others is a mirror of how he relates to self, possibilities for new choices and actions emerge.
The self is the unchanging core of us that is always wise, that knows how things are in the different holding worlds, and knows whether safety is present to be real and authentic and that devises the perfect protective strategy when we experience threat. Understanding the nature of the self is the foundation of the maturity that is essential to the well being of human beings and the success of their relationships with others.
Getting older reduces the effectiveness of the defences and the distractions we use to avoid those things that are uncomfortable in our lives.
Getting older is generally accompanied by the intense focus on determining the meaning and purpose of one’s life.
From a spiritual perspective, it may be the universe’s way of encouraging us to look at the real meaning of our lives.
Anger is a feeling it cannot hurt anyone. Aggression on the other hand can most certainly hurt others. Anger is a creative tool of standing up for what we believe in.
Aggression management needs to focus on helping individuals to understand the true nature of anger and how to employ it constructively. Aggression is the cause of much human pain and suffering, often accompanied by physical violence.
Anxiety / Stress
Anxiety and Stress often point to a hidden unconscious issue that requires resolution.
The hidden issue has always to do with some troubling aspect of our own relationship with ourselves.
Children may grieve a divorce , a partner may grieve the death of a loved one , a teenager may grieve the end of a relationship or you may have received terminal medical news .
Counselling is a solid approach towards grief .
Individual or family counselling can help you work through unresolved grief. This in no way cures you of your loss; rather, it provides you with coping strategies which may helpful.
There is no doubt that the nature of bullying is a serious threat to the wellbeing of another, however it also mirrors the insecurity of the person who is bullying.
Those who bully need as much help as those who are bullied. When individuals detect patterns of behaviour that are of a bullying nature, then they need to urgently seek support and help.
No matter where you are in your life you are always in relationship with others, whether it is with parents, friends or an intimate partner.
Each of us is made up of a loving energy that gets expressed in many extraordinary creative ways. One of the most creative and intimate forms of self -expression is found in our relationships with others.
It is in our relationships that our deepest needs to be known and to belong are met.
Depression attempts to bring attention to the aspects of self that are supressed. buried , deeply hidden or flattened out.
Examples are ; your lovability, uniqueness , difference , the right to live your own life .
The symptoms of depression attempt to emphasise those hidden qualities of self and invites the person to detect and begin to express them.
The opposite of depression is expression.
Putting a face on the agony of eating disorders , addictions and psychic unrest provides us with an understanding that by gently looking into the darkness that generates them we often find there in the darkness our abandoned selves.
When we meet with the neglected self from a place of wanting to reconnect with our own unique place in the world our healing journey can begin.
Some definitions of gender are tricky and trying to use descriptions that work for everyone using gender defining labels simply isn’t possible and is unfair to many.
What is crucial though is that all of us have the entitlement to unconditional relating from parents and other significant adults in our lives.
Unconditional holding celebrates your uniqueness, wants to know you in all your individuality, stay open to and is intrigued by your difference .
Jung suggested, ”Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from hiding other views that others find inadmissible”.
Psychologically , there exists an inner loneliness resulting from a sense of disconnect not with others but with ourselves.
When we discourage our children’s dreams and personal aspirations , we do so , or so we believe because we don’t want them to be hurt or disappointed. But the real hurt comes not from life – which has a way of guiding us towards our true goals- but from telling our children that they can’t make it . When parents take time to listen as well as talk to their children , their children feel loved and valued , capable and encouraged.
Helping young people towards maturity , demands of adults that they be mature themselves. Without such maturity it is difficult to relate fully to the sometimes challenging behaviour of children and adolescents. A relationship that is genuine, non- judgemental, compassionate , empathic and unconditionally loving is necessary in order to resolve family conflicts.
Adults and young people are better enabled to make safe , responsible, respectful , open and mature sexual choices for themselves when they have the physical safety to accept and look after their bodies , the emotional safety to identify and follow their own feelings.
Whether your attraction is to same gender or opposite gender, or both , each of us needs the social safety for our choice of sexual expression to be recognised and celebrated equally.
"I find in my practice that one of the only things people regret is
that they didn't live boldly enough, that they didn't invest enough heart,
that they didn't face the fears that hold them back from loving others
with open spontaneity and living in the present... the here is now"
Dr. Owen Madden